Posts Tagged ‘truth’

Would You Rather Be Right or Be Happy?

Posted in relationships on 05/23/2009 06:10 pm by Robin
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Would you like to know a simple, simple trick that will improve your happiness and any relationship, perhaps in a really big way, for the rest of your life?

Pay special attention to this happiness quote: “When you have the choice to be right or be happy - choose happy”. The majority of the time, being right on trivial issues is not only pointless, it adds friction to relationships, and brings the general mood of an interaction down. So when faced with a trivial situation where you think someone else is wrong about something, forget it. It’s not worth pointing out. It’s amazing how many people constantly add tension to their marriages, friendships, work life and social situations by insisting on being right. The problem is human emotions are such that you can’t win this game. Generally, by openly insulting someone elses intelligence by claiming they are wrong, they both resent the ‘attack’ and they put up a wall that will prevent them from agreeing with you even if you are right.

So next time someone pronounces a word wrong, or is mistaken about a fact, or tells you about another ‘urban legend‘, just keep your opinion (or truth) to yourself.

Exceptions

Now sometimes the situation is more than trivial. Sometimes there will be a large cost of having the wrong information, for example in cases of health, or business, or financial decisions. Then it is important to try to assess the truth. If so, here is the most effective way to deal with the difference of opinion:

If You Must Correct Someone

1. Be respectful. By attacking, teasing, condescending or being disrespectful, you get the other persons defenses up and they will never agree that you are right no matter what kind of evidence you present. This is counterproductive for everyone.

2. Recognize that you don’t have absolute truth. You may be the one who is mistaken - and that’s great! You’ve just hit on a perfect opportunity to test your understanding of the world and either verify your understanding, or improve on it. Either option is a win for you if you don’t have an easily injured ego. Because you can never be 100% sure you are correct, always present your opinion tentatively, saying “From my understanding…”, “From what I remember…”, “I think…” this respects the other person’s intelligence, but allows a conversation to begin about what the correct facts are.

3. First try to understand clearly what the other person’s view is. It’s amazing how often an argument stems from incorrectly hearing the other person. Especially if their are emotions involved. Listen carefully. Then test what you’re understanding by repeating it back to them in your own words and asking if you go it right.

4. Ask how they came to their conclusion. See if they have facts that are as good or better than yours.

5. If you still believe you’re opinion is correct, share your viewpoint and evidence, or better yet, get online and start looking up sources. Look for reliable sources, especially research from unbiased, trustworthy sources.

6. Be nice. So that the other person is as open as possible to accepting an alternate opinion (or fact), be sure not to injure their ego. Speak respectfully, watch your tone of voice, do it in private if possible. Never intentionally call people out in public and humiliate them. That only hurts your reputation.

7. Give them an ‘out’. All people’s egos tend to get in the way of them doing the right thing. By offering people an out, or an excuse for why they may have had an incorrect opinion, you give their ego an escape clause - a reason not to be injured. Alternately, you can make it seem like it’s not that big of a deal to have made a mistake. You can use phrases like, “Yes, I used to think that too until I read this article…”, “I know it’s pretty confusing, I was confused until…”, “That was a long time ago, so it’s easy to forget…”

If we all started doing this, not only would the world be a happier place with more solid relationships of trust, we would also all be much more intelligent and capable of addressing the challenges in our life with solid knowledge.

What additional advice would you suggest?

Do you have any personal stories to share on this subject?

Here’s to your happiness!
Robin

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